#tag‚ youre it    kris  

          “   I say we just, like.   Put together dating profiles on some deep-web superhero dating site or something.   At this point it just seems like that’s the easiestoption.   ”

   Well, now they’re eating / drinking a MUDSLIDE.

   Chocolate bomb and booze parade all in one glass ; they earnedthis, and they’re probably gonna pass out in like an hour.   Whether the sugar or alcohol catches up to them first, you may wanna place your betsnow.

          “   … I’m really scared of not being enoughfor anyone.   Like.   I’m scared … everyone I wanna be with or date or whatever … they’ll get BORED OF ME.   That I’ll be fine for a little while but one day my girlfriend or boyfriend or partner is gonna wake up and just.   Want something different.   ”

   They watched Lo being honest about this shit, and it looked hard.

   And … it’s worsethan it looked.

          “   I … I guess that’s why I don’t … date.   Much.   I go to clubs and drink and pick people up and spend a night with them, and I do the Goddamn surprised Pikachu face when I call them up the next morning only for them to basically tell me to GO SCREW MYSELF.   ”

   Their face feels pretty red right now ; they could probably put Chara’s permanent blush to shame.   How did they not remember how embarrassing and scary it is to be super fucking vulnerable ?

          “   Sometimes, maybe, I think it’s … easier like that.   Like if I don’t committo anyone, they can’t leave me in three months ‘cause I’m not meeting some need of theirs that I don’t even fucking knowabout.   But … just doing things like this … it’s not really easier.   It hurts JUST AS BAD.   ”

   They want to be enough for everyone.   Including themself.   But if they weren’t enough for their birth parents, when all they did was exist, then how can they be enough for everyone else no matter what they do ?

          “   I don’t … I don’t wanna be alone forever.   But I’m … SCARED.   I push people away ‘cause I’m so used to not talking and shit.   Keeping everything to myself.   ”

  Suffocatingunder the weight of it.   Feeling their back breaking under it.

          “   … What if I get a partner, and they make me feel like I DON’T HAVE TO?   I’m pretty sure that scares me more than anything.   But I … I kind of want it.   ”

   Looks at Lo sharing feelings.   Being honest.   Having some Goddamn self-respect.

   … Should they do that, too ?   It’s been a long time since they did that.   It looks HARD.

   But.   She also got a guilt-free treat afterwards.   Hm.

   They might be about to open their big, fat, stupid mouth.